apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
