It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize