I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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