omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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