she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
