I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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