A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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