I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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