His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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