At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
