70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
