hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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