fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
