That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
