I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
