he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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