I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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