I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
