I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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