I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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