My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
