Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
