How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
