Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You pole danced in your parka.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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