dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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