I must be too annoying 4 u.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
