I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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