My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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