My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
