i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
