come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
