Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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