lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
