I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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