How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
