puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
