belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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