Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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