as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
