I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dignity is for republicans.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just puked most of my soul out..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
