I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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