Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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