I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
