I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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