It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
