Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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