I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I AM VODKA MAN
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
