I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
