things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
