So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
