what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
