so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
