You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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