Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
