people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
