nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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