the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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