I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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