She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
