shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
