I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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